Paula White Gets Discernment (satire)

Our second attempt at satire, once again involving Paula White and Donald Trump

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Amid much fanfare and criticism, Word of Faith international speaker and teacher Paula White led the nation in prayer at the Inauguration of President Donald Trump on January 20, 2017. During her prayer, however, something remarkable and unforeseen happened. As soon as she prayed, “Guide us in discernment, Lord,” the Lord answered her prayer. As those words left her mouth, she stopped, mouth agape, and muttered, “I’m sorry, I can’t do this…” With the ceremony now on hold and the entire nation watching, Mrs. White, now gifted with the gift of discernment, confessed, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be up here. I am a false teacher and a charlatan.” With tears in her eyes, she continued. “I’m not a pastor because Biblically, I can’t be since I’m a woman. I’m on my third husband, so God sees me as guilty of adultery. In short, everything the ‘discernment bloggers’ and ministries have said about me over the years is true. And you don’t know the half of it. I’m not a Christian. I repent and pray God will forgive me. To anyone who has ever donated to me, I will give back to you four times what you gave me.”

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A stunned nation watched as Mrs. White ran off the stage and then proceeded to cancel her TV spot, shut down her “church,” and refund the money to her donors with a written statement acknowledging her confession and apology, bearing fruits in keeping with repentance.

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